Reasons it's great to be a guy: - Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

- Movie nudity is virtually always female.

- A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

- You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. - Your bathroom lines are 80 shorter.

- You can open all your own jars. - Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight. - Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind. - When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying. - All your orgasms are real. - You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. - You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

- Your last name stays put. - You can leave the hotel bed unmade. - You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. - Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow. - Sex means never worrying about your reputation. - Wedding plans take care of themselves. - If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. - You don't have to shave below your neck. - None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night. - If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

- You can write your name in the snow. - Everything on your face gets to stay its original color. - Chocolate is just another snack. - You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

- Flowers fix everything.

- You can wear a white shirt to a water park. - Three pairs of shoes is more than enough. - You can eat a banana in a hardware store. - Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. - You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

- You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me". - The world is your urinal.

- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. - One mood, all the time - You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy. - You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. - Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. - You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. - Wedding dress: 2, 000 tuxedo rental: 75. - You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.

- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. - You don't mooch off others' desserts. - If you retain water, it's in a canteen. - The remote control is yours and yours alone. - People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. - You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a littlegift. - Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers. - You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. - You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. - You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom. - If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

- Someday you'll be a dirty old man. - You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it." - If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. - Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" Things that suck about being a guy: - The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over 200, 000. - External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.

- Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you're not allowed to cry. - Ribbed for her pleasure - not yours. - You have to wear ties. - You can't flirt your way out of a jam. - "Women and children first."