DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS 40-ish means 49 Adventurous " - Slept with everyone Athletic " - No tits Average looking " - Ugly Beautiful " - Pathological liar Contagious Smile " - Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure " - On medication Feminist " - Fat Free spirit " - Junkie Friendship first " - Former very friendly person Fun " - Annoying New Age " - Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded " - Desperate Outgoing " - Loud and Embarrassing Passionate " - Sloppy drunk Professional " - Bitch Voluptuous " - Very Fat Large frame " - Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate " - Stalker WOMEN'S ENGLISH 1. Yes No 2. No Yes 3. Maybe No 4. We need I want 5. I am sorry You'll be sorry 6. We need to talk You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead You better not 8. Do what you want You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're very attentive tonight Is sex all you ever think about? MEN'S ENGLISH 1. I am hungry I am hungry 2. I am sleepy I am sleepy 3. I am tired I am tired 4. Nice dress Nice tits! 5. I love you Let's have sex now 6. I am bored Do you want to have sex? 7.

May I have this dance? I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? I'd like to have sex with you 9.

Do you want to go to a movie? I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? I'd like to have sex with you 11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit I'm gay And finally..... A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside. "The Impossible Always Takes a Little Longer"