A really really ugly man is in a bar when he says to the barman "i am really desperate for sex, I havent had any for 3 years and am getting desperate, what can i do?" The barman says, "i tell ya what, you can f**k my wife if you like, for 5 a time, but you cant touch her tits and you cant turn the lights on". "sure" says the man and goes upstairs to find the wife. He f**ks her and has the best f**k of his life, when he goes downstairs, pays the barman 5 and leaves. This routine repeats for a while, and each time the sex gets better, so he thinks to himself "i dont see why i cant touch her breasts, it wouldnt hurt to do it just once" so the next time the mans f**king his life away, and he touches her breasts, and thinks that they are really nice, but he feels guilty. He decides to tell the barman that he touched her breasts, so he says "look, im really ashamed, i know u told me not to, but i had to touch your wifes breasts, and they were really soft and nice", and the bar man says " i know theyre soft theyre covered in maggots, shes been dead for 10 years!!