1 The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon, you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face. 2 The second is Kitchen Sex.

This is at the beginning of the marriage, You'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen. 3 The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom. 4 The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!" 5 There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.