In a bar in Alabama, just a few weeks ago a guy comes in just a little drunk and asks the bartender if he could get just one shot for free since he'd just lost his job and was now out of money. He said" well I don't know about FREE, but if you'll go down to the end of the bar there and hit Leroy without getting your ass kicked" the guy says "**tch this" He strolls down and picks up a barstool and breaks it over Leroy's head and he drops to the floor. Everyone yells and laughs outloud and the bartender says"I didn't think anybody could get away with that...you earned it" and pours him a shot. A couple of others came around to pat him on the back and buy him shots too. Now he asks if he could get just one more shot. The bartender says no I don't think so.
"Aw come on" he pleads "gotta be something else you want to swap for a shot." "no not me but go ask John about his panther over there" and another at the bar says "yeah and ask Bill about his sister!" Now John starts telling us all about this panther he's got tied in the back of his pickup that has this real bad tooth that needs pulling and we are all laughing and trying to talk him into pulling that tooth and a couple of us bought him some "shots" of encouragement. After we've all had a good laugh and a round or two of shots Bill quietly says " ya'll I love my sister and I really do want her to know what it's like to have a night of hot raw sex" ....all is quiet as barkeep sets up the next round as he starts again, "you see my sister is kinda homely" the whole house breaks up with laughter! Hank the bartender says "damnit Bill if you gonna stay in here you gotta stop lying like that, you know she's butt- ugly and knowbody's ever been that drunk so stop trying to con him, he just lost his job, we should be NICE to him" there's more laughter and shots and this guy struggles to his feet and says "ok, you gonna buy me how many shots if I take care of your panther?" John says "he's really a sweet cat but I'll buy you five shots if you can fix him up" and he turns to Bill and asks " just how ugly is your sister?"..
and his reply was "'bout ten shots I rec'on" he stood and swayed, and blinked, and said " I'll do 'er right, ...right after I take care of that cat...but I need just a little more strength first" we were lining up to buy him shots! who knows how many he'd had buy now but it was enough to get him up and he asks "friend, where's your kitty?" we all cheered and John answered "in the back of my pickup out back" I didn't think he could stand, much less walk, but he did and out the back door he went. We waited, and heard a crash.
He fell through the trash cans. Then we heard the most awfull snarling and screaming and chain rattling and banging and more screaming and my god it sounded like ten cats and, and, at least that many men. After what seemed like forever and the worst comotion I ever heard it was all quiet.
We all strained to hear and then the back door opened and there he stood bloody from head to toe and his clothes ripped and torn almost off his body but he has this big smile..... he struts up to the bar and Hank starts pouring shots and he drinks one, then picks up the other and turns to face all of us and raises his glass and everybody cheers and starts ordering him shots.
He urges us to get quiet and then says "alright you sum bitches, where's that ugly bitch with the bad tooth?" |
