10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine. 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few. 8.

If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win. 5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here. 4.

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him. 3.

She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2.

She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is... 1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day Long.