1 You make Pee Wee HermanRichard Simmons look like Vin DieselSylvester Stallone 2 You cry during Ernest Goes-to films and Broadway musicals featuring any of 1 orphanromance themes 2 Ethel Merman tunes 3 actors dressed in wolverine costumes performingdancing the Cotillion 3 You still insist on wearing your rubber-lined PokemonTele-tubbies pajamas when your girlfriend as if sleeps over 4 You cried after losing your virginity to a blow-up doll 5 Favorite films are 1 Beaches 2 Steel Magnolias andor any Mandy Moore epic 6 A blind 2nd grade female foreign student with no arms can kick your ass 7 You tape Oprah and The View daily and have a autographed Regis PhilbinPauly Shore poster on your ceiling Every women youve dated has turned gay andor joined a convent or reverted to Amishcelibate lifestyle 9 Doogie Howser AND Clay Aiken declined to play you in the movie version of your life, citing reputation concerns 10 You still believe taking Grandma to Prom considered progressive